I took Jessa to what would be her new private school on Thursday. They always do some testing of new students to see where they are at. While she was doing that, I got to have a wonderful conversation with the new principal. I was feeling really good about this new school...
Then the teacher comes back and tells me, "There is no way that Jessa can be in the 4th grade here. She will have to go back to 3rd." I was so upset. Jessa has struggled academically for quite sometime and her new school definitely teaches a much higher academic standard than public school, but after everything that Jessa has been going through the idea of making her a 3rd grader tomorrow was more than I could take.
But, God is in control and I am a witness to that the last 4 days. I talked to Kevin about it, my parents, Jessa's other grandma, Jessa's dad, and many friends. Everyone's reaction to it has been, "Well if that is what is best for Jessa then do it." And my response has been, "Well you aren't the ones who have to make the decision! You aren't the ones who have to tell her this and listen to her and wipe her tears! I am!" Me, me, me.
So her dad and I sat her down Friday night and told her. We told her that this was what was best for her and that we believed it with all our hearts. We told her this was not her fault, that she has done nothing wrong. We talked how she will be getting a different kind of education than she is now and that she will get to go to chapel everyweek and that she will meet girls that want to be her friend and all they care about is playing at recess and not who likes who and whether she will be friends with her today and not tomorrow. Jessa cried (somehow I didn't), she said, "I don't want to be a 3rd grader". We said, "We know, but it's what we need to do right now." And she said, "OK"
Then we came home and she told her biggest brother Jacob what was going on. He told her, "I know you must be upset, but Jessa I struggled all through grade school and you won't have to anymore." Then I gave Jacob one of the long division problems that they are doing in the 4th grade there. It was 26/5200. Jacob said, "Mom, I just learned how to do this last year in honor's 6th grade math!" And I could see Jessa's brain thinkin', "You mean I am going to be smarter than my biggest brother in like 2 or 3 years?! Cool!"
So Monday morning, Jessa will start in the 3rd grade at her new school. We told her she didn't have to tell anyone that she has been in the 4th grade. Nobody needed to know. But, she told one of her friends from her old school yesterday and said, "And next year when I am in the 4th grade again, I will get to learn long division!"
As for, Mom (that would be me) I have used a whole box of Costco sized kleenex this weekend. But, God has taught me a very valuable lesson. My pride has nothing to do with what is best for my children. I am not sure why I seem to be struggling with this more than anyone else, but I definitely see God's firm hand on me. He is holding me up right now, but at the same time guiding me to be a stronger advocate for my children. And I like the idea of my baby girl being under my wing an extra year before she goes face the world.
Thanks for reading this long post. I have really felt your prayers guys. I can't tell you how much that has meant to me...
